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  • Jim Ratti

A-10 Pilot's Response To A Corporate Recruiter's Inquiry

Another way of thinking about things, courtesy of Bryan Branby:

The following is a letter from an Alumni Recruiter of Texas A&M. The Aggies have always had a huge ROTC contingent and the initiator was obviously tapping into that database in an attempt to recruit. The response from a fellow serviceman is priceless (and a little irreverent).

Dear Alumni Member:

I am a recruiter in Dallas that specializes in placing students from key colleges in the positions they desire to be in with my clients across the nation. I work with companies of all sizes and industries. I received your name from several other members of the "Association of Former Students" here at Texas A&M University that I am currently working with.

Feel comfortable that your information is confidential with my company. I would like to discuss whether you are currently in the market or even keeping your eyes open for the right opportunity. I would like to see a current copy of your resume to see what opportunities that you may be perfect for. Please send your resume via e-mail or fax to my attention, and I will follow up with you in the next few days to determine your level of interest.

I thank you in advance for your response. Please e-mail me back at aaronm(aatt) or call me direct at (800) 880-7900 Extension #231.

Sincerely, Aaron McCartney Senior Recruiting Consultant Odell & Associates

And NOW - the response. . .

Dear Mr. McCartney-

This is in response to the email you sent me regarding your services as recruiter. Currently I am employed as a U.S. Air Force Fighter Pilot flying A-10 Thunderbolts for the 25TH Fighter Squadron, Osan AB, Republic of Korea. My contract with the USAF does not expire until 2006. Here are some of my qualifications nonetheless, just in case any of your clients are need of someone with my expertise:

  1. The ability to employ my aircraft, the feared A-10 Warthog, as one of the most capable ground attack/CAS platforms in the world.

  2. Protect South Korea from communist hordes led by the Great Pornographer, Kim Jung Ill

  3. Drop cluster munitions from 10,000 feet onto unsuspecting DANKS (dumb ass north Koreans) and send 202 individual bomblets of wrath and fury into their starving, bloated, pink bodies.

  4. Take a 6000 foot slant range Forced-No-Solution High-angle gun shot and kill troops in their wimpy little APC's with reckless abandon. Do you have any idea, Mr. McCartney, what a 30mm Armor Piercing Incendiary round that is as long as your forearm does as it boars through a tank's walls like Jell-O? Let me tell you, it's not pretty.

  5. Get wicked ass drunk at the Officer's club on Friday nights, smokin' big fat Cuban cigars (this is Korea, not the US), drink Gin and Tonic like water, throw furniture off the roof, say 'fuck' a lot, and piss off all the wives and hapless souls who hate our guts because they are not fighter pilots.

  6. I have no idea how to "hold a meeting," "do a memo," "take a lunch," "think outside the box" or even sit behind a desk for that matter. I eat, sleep, fly, and drink. I am an instrument of national policy the likes of which your clients have never seen. I would just as much detonate a Mk 82 Air Burst 20 feet above a DANK playground than wander through some corporate office blabbering about business plans and the latest episode of Ally "eat a friggin sandwich" McBeal.

Thank you for your letter and please let me know if any of your associates show interest in my capabilities. I look forward to hearing from you.

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